I feel invisible and unheard.
A few weeks ago, I sat on a panel for the 32nd Intercultural Communication Conference at Texas Southern University.The subject for this year’s conference was the effects of Black music on Black life. I argued that contemporary Black music inaccurately reflects the Black experience in America. A large majority of modern Black music (read: Hip-Hop & B) features the same theme of ostentatious wealth and gauche misogyny, to the point where a slight deviation can be lauded as something other than a softer version of the same theme.
Questlove, of the (world famous) Roots, in his third installment of his six-part weekly series of essays, takes the theory of Hip-Hop as cultural drag and takes it a step further, arguing that the concept of Black cool has lost its luster in the current of Hip-Hop in the 21st century:
These days, the vast majority of hip-hop artists follow a…
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Because all women have walked to their car in the dark, keys clutched tight in hand, one poking out between two fingers.
Because when I go out to bars or clubs, I have to think about whether what I’m wearing is too suggestive, instead of putting on whatever I please.
Because I feel the need to apologize when I’m not wearing makeup or my hair hasn’t been washed, or when I’m generally looking anything other than flawless.
Because there was nothing I could do about the man who touched me inappropriately in the middle of Gillette Stadium as I waited for my then-boyfriend to come out of the bathroom. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STADIUM.
Because there was also nothing I could do when a man touched me inappropriately in the middle of a crowded street, his arm around his girlfriend. Because retaliating in the way I wanted to…
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Ever since the day before when I sexted my “friend,” ask I’ve been able to think about are thing horrible unchristian like things I want to do with him. I don’t want to act on these lustful thoughts because I don’t want to sin but each time I close my eyes, I see myself doing something gross like giving him a blow job, or filling him up and licking him all over. I don’t want to act on these lustful feelings but I’m scared. Next time we’re alone, what if I do act in them? What if I can’t control myself and the pull to be “naughty” instead of good is too great? What’ll I do then? Will I compromise myself and everything I believe in for a brief moment of pleasure or will I stand firm in my faith and keep working on saying no to lust?
Sometimes I hate life because I hate my decisions. Last night I did something that was out of the ordinary for me, I sexted. I’m someone who has really high morals and values so maybe you can see why this us tasting tearing me up on the inside. It was so out of the ordinary for me so I don’t know why I did it. Maybe it’s because of my constant search to do something bad because the last seventeen years of my life I’ve never done anything really bad. The ironic thing in this is that right before the sexting started, I had just read a bible verse about keeping up the good I’ve been doing and not changing. In a way I feel like God was warning me about my impending sin but I just couldn’t help myself. Now, I find myself in a predicament. I’m scared. What happens next time I run into my sexting partner. Would he expect me to have sex with him? Would he think less of me? Will he see me as a booty call now? No I don’t want to have sex with him. I don’t want him to think less of me. I don’t want him to think of me as a booty call. How awkward is the next time I see him going to be…?